The drivers license dillema
I am currently in the process of trying to get a drivers license and it is really stressing me out. The phrase "stressing me out" is probably a bit weak at accurately describing how I am feeling about it. You see there is a lot riding on my getting a license or at least that's what I think. I am trying to get a license for future work opportunities and I don't even like driving or cars that much. So here I am struggling to sleep because the process of getting a license in the UK is time consuming, expensive and basically broken.
Even just trying to write this is spiking my anxiety because I can see the connections of issues all around the whole process. Let me see if I can explain. I want to go work with refugees in the Balkans when I finish my studies in May. Now if I were to apply for the field coordinator job I would really need to have a license. Arguably more important than whatever degree I get. I also am not overly happy living in the Uk right now. I don't hate the place but I do enjoy travelling and would like to incorporate that into my work. Ok so that's one aspect.
SO the process to get a drivers license in the UK is broken. Apparently since covid there has been a backlog in the system. This has increased wait times to get a test and has kinda spawned a black market around booking tests as well as in industry that helps speed the process up. It's a whole thing that involves downloading apps (because of course there's a fucking app) finding cancellations near you. Another expense on top of the already expensive driving school fees. Fortunately I have not had to dip into this market. Although it has cost me almost £1000 so far in driving lessons, car rental and whatever the tests cost. I have my test coming up in December at a test center about 3 hours away. If I fail I will have to try re-book and hope I can get another test within 6 months. I will most likely have to then pay for the services that speed up the process.
I can't help but feel the pressure of this weighing me down. Everyday it gets heavier because the time, cost and effort that I need to dedicate to this on top of my final year at Uni is...man its fucking heavy. I'm sure I may be over thinking it due to all the other stressors in my life right now and even if I fail it's not the end of the world. The sun will still rise and there is always a chance to redo it but I would really like to get this over with. I recently listened to the album "The spiritual sound" by Agriculture and there was a line that resonated with me. It goes "Bodhidharma,My head is on fire..." the song ends with the final line " Can you pacify my mind for me?".